ya_ra_na_i_ka | matoba + natsume; closed

matoba + natsume; closed

summary: pre-fujiwara natsume joins the matoba clan au

[ in a few short weeks, Natsume’s life had completely changed. his days tinted with fear of things he couldn’t understand, days of plastered smiles and lies, and days of wondering how long he had until being passed onto the next house had come to an end. what he now had were days filled with knowledge, protection and a sense of belonging. the initial shyness and awkwardness of coming to a completely new place had begun dissolving, and as each day passed on by, Natsume felt more comfortable within the Matoba clan.

giving a small smile and a bow to one of the maids as she passed by, Natsume hurried along the long halls of the house back to his room after his tutoring session. although he had objected at first, not wishing to be a bother, he was now glad for the fact that he did not have to go to school. it had always been difficult trying to study while deflecting whispers and rumors of himself and ignoring the yokai’s wandering about. within the house grounds, no stray spirits came in and no one in the household was rude enough to whisper about Natsume within hearing range.

as he quickly put away his studying materials, Natsume thought of his current caretaker, Matoba Seiji, the head of the Matoba clan. because of the man, Natsume had been able to learn he was not alone in the world, that he wasn’t crazy like so many of his relatives thought. not only had Matoba given Natsume a new place to stay, he gave Natsume a place that didn't need lies and knowledge about the yokai’s that plagued his life. Matoba shattered Natsume’s previous world and given him an even better one. the day Natsume entered the clan’s grounds, he promised he would do whatever he could to return the gratitude he felt. and for that, he first had to learn everything he could about the unnatural creatures hidden from normal world ]

…It’s no good if I keep running away in fear from them. I have to be stronger… Like Matoba-san.

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[ I don't want you to be troubled by ignorant brats, my little one, Matoba had purred, ushering him towards the tutor that the clan had brought in - a distant relative of one of the associated clans, a teacher who would guide the boy through the regular high school studies. Outside of those lessons, conducted in a quiet wing of the mansion, the rest of the grounds are the perfect refuge - the vast gardens spread to the fringes of the forest, ringed by a wall and the usual strings of paper charms. No youkai, aside from the clan's shiki would dare to cross that boundary wall; they creep just beyond it, terrified of the presence that lurks within the clan's estate.

That presence himself currently sits at his desk, on the tatami flooring of the clan leader's quarters - paging through documents detailing the last several exorcisms. The whole process is well regulated, of course, the clan have to account for its surplus of funds somehow.

Matoba is, and has been, head of the clan for several years now. He had taken over from his father; that day had come as they had known it would - the old clan leader had fallen to the beast he had feared so much, and the seventeen year old Seiji had taken his place, only to fall prey to that same beast only two months later.

But, Nanase had saved both him and his eye, and now, at twenty-one, he has an heir of his own - though, not by any kind of blood.

Natsume is the most beguiling thing in his life - the boy is obedient to a fault, loyal to him alone - the perfect little apprentice.

In fact, as he sets aside his papers, he glances towards the dappled sunlight on the veranda of his quarters, wondering where the boy is. He would sometimes come and visit him after his lessons, and Matoba would ask after what he had learnt that day, finding him charming, finding him lovely.

He's young, but still - he's also Matoba's. ]

Natsume-kun. [ The boy's rooms are adjacent to his own, he won't struggle to hear him call. ]

Finished for the day, are we?

[ not expecting to be called for, Natsume dropped the book from his hands in surprise ] Ah… [ he quickly looked at the book on the floor and picked it up, letting out a sigh of relief after seeing it hadn’t been damaged. it was an old book after all, one he had borrowed from Nanase when he asked her that he wished to learn more about the ayakashi’s. carefully putting the book on his desk he turned towards the wall that separated Matoba and his room ]

I’m sorry was I too loud? [ Natsume had always been a quiet in his movements, a habit he picked up from his upbringing (it was always better not to be noticed, by both humans and not). but he had become extra careful in trying not be too loud after coming to Matoba’s house, not wanting to break the dignified atmosphere of the clan nor disturb his guardian who happened to be in the room next to his (or at least so Natsume thought) ]

I am done for the day though. What about you, Matoba-san? [ perhaps, since Matoba was talking to him now, the man was also done for the day? perhaps he had some time to spare to talk to Natsume…? ]

You're never too loud.

[ The reply is a little bemused, the tone light - Matoba can be wry when the whim takes him, and he seems to find a particular pleasure in teasing Natsume. Today, however, he seems to be in an agreeable mood, though the slyness never leaves his voice.

Glancing over his shoulder at the screen door of his room, the exorcist speaks again, a smile evident in his voice. ]

And, quite done, yes. Come and visit me, I haven't seen you all day.

[ Despite having less than savoury designs on the pretty-faced fourteen year old ( and his ward, he notes with amusement ), he does, actually, find that the boy's company is neither disruptive nor unpleasant. Natsume has a kind of innate gentleness about him, he thinks, and it's calming - Natsume is calming, with his soft-spoken words and his strange caution. As if he is afraid he will be discarded for any small misstep. He likes speaking with him, finds that while polite to a fault, that Natsume Takashi is both thoughtful and eager to learn - he likes the steadily growing closeness between them, too.

Matoba would not dream of discarding him of course, he needs him for those eyes of his.

He waits, certain the boy will come and sit beside him; an extra cushion has been placed on the tatami mat beside his own at the desk. ]

Edited 2016-12-28 00:01 (UTC)

[ Natsume’s usual pale cheeks slightly color and the smallest of smiles appears at the invite. while he would like to immediately answer with a strong ‘yes!’, Natsume reels his excitement in and instead replies back in a much more toned down manner (although his happiness couldn’t help but to leak in) ] Thank you, Matoba-san.

[ before leaving his room, he quickly glances at his reflection on the mirror connected to the small dresser, not wanting to look sloppy in front of his guardian. since coming here, Natsume’s usual disheveled hair had been trimmed, no longer completely covering his face. since he didn’t have to run away from the ayakashi’s his clothes weren’t always stained with dirt as well. while still rail thin, thanks to steady diet and the current flush in his cheeks, Natsume looked healthier than he ever had in his memory.

satisfied, he hurried out to the hallway and took a few steps tot he left in front of Matoba’s screen door. Natsume took a silent inhale before quietly sliding the door open slightly first ] Excuse me. [ sliding the door all the way, Natsume bowed is head a little in greeting before entering and closing the door behind him. at the sight of Matoba in the room, his smile couldn’t help but to grow a bit. none of his past guardians had given Natsume attention like Matoba did, and each moment he was allowed to spend some time with the man made Natsume’s heart flutter. it was as if they were really like a family ]

Thank you for inviting me. [ Natsume sits on the empty cushion besides Matoba, like he always does. legs folded beneath him and back straight, but body angled towards the man and eyes full of trust looking straight at Matoba’s ]

You can come straight to me after your lessons, Natsume-kun, you don't have to linger alone in your room.

[ He wants the boy around, wants to have him near. His little prodigy might as well spend as much waking time with the exorcist, he supposes, they can work on the remainder - he'll have this boy in his bed sooner or later; it won't be too great a task. The teenager seems to hang on his every word, and has never been given any real affection to speak of. If Matoba plays his cards right, spares him just enough of his time, touches him just so? Oh, then he'll see the boy bloom beneath his fingertips, he thinks, he'll see him shatter.

Turning to the boy, Matoba offers him a smile of his own - it's not nearly as bright as Natsume's, but it's pleased, in a foxish, sharp way. The exorcist is dressed in a plain, dark yukata, his collarbones exposed at the neck, his hair hanging loose down his back, fringe in its usual casual disarray.

He has been sure to supply Natsume with similar clothing - the clan keep to a sort of uniform when at the central mansion in which Matoba resides. He can appreciate the sight of the boy in the more traditional dress; there is a softness to the way the robes cling to his skinny frame.

Reaching out, he tucks a stray strand of the boy's pale fringe behind his ear, pausing there, stroking the strands for a moment before returning his gaze to the boy's face. ]

I hope that things between you and I can be open, you shouldn't hesitate to tell me anything, Natsume. [ There's a pause while he seems to consider his own statement, then, his expression very focused: ] How are you finding your new life?

[ fighting back his urge to touch the tingling sensation leftover from Matoba's touch, Natsume fidgets and toys with the edge of his sleeves instead. he's not used to physical contact in general, much less affectionate ones. he can remember some hugs and a couple of pats on the head vaguely, but it was never this gentle and... heartfelt ]

Thank you. [ how many times have he said words of gratitude again? Natsume couldn't remember, but he couldn't help himself. it just kept tumbling out of his mouth, unable to contain it within himself ] I... I've never felt so safe and comfortable in my life. And to be able to learn without worrying about what's outside the window, or not be worried about wondering if I'm talking to a human or not. [ he never expected such a life would come. Natsume looks down at his hands still toying with his sleeves ] Everyone's so kind to me... I'm never hungry and I'm always warm. [ he looks back up at Matoba, a large smile and sincerity shining through ]

I'm so happy. Thank you so much, Matoba-san. I'm so glad to have met you.

Well, my little Natsume, I am so glad to have you.

[ The way he words that sentence - the way he says it, seems to angle it possessively, rather than simply the polite response. Because he does believe that the boy is his now, that this strange-eyed, wisp of a boy with eyes stronger than any Matoba clan leader in their family's history belongs entirely, solely to him.

But there is affection in his tone, too. He's fond of the boy, he finds that he can be at ease around him - that, where Natsume's former foster carers were afraid of him - Matoba can see beyond that. With the fact that Natsume can see youkai aside, dismissed as something normal amongst exorcists, he is left with the boy's personality. And, that personality, he thinks, is one of the most gentle, most pleasant he has ever been around.

With those words, Natsume earns himself an indulgent look from the clan leader, and he reaches out again, laying his hand over where the boy has been fidgeting with his sleeve, stilling his fingers and initiating that contact between them ]

I hope that we will get to know each other very well. I'm not your parent - I want you to think of me as your friend, your confidant. [ He strokes the boy's hand with his fingers. ]

You and I can be for each other-- [ He pauses, thumb tracing over Natsume's knuckles. ]-- whatever it is that either of us need, or have wished for.

[ Natsume is far from being skilled with human interaction, he often only has a vague idea on how to react to others and what to do in certain situations. but he while he may lack in experience, Natsume was a perceptive child and he was especially good at telling if someone were lying to him, trying to hide the negative emotions someone felt for Natsume.

that was why, despite the worried and confused look he got, Natsume was the most relaxed around Matoba. he could tell that the man wasn't lying when he said he was glad to have Natsume. that Matoba genuinely had some sort of affection towards him. after his upbringing, Natsume was much more cautious and closed-off than a normal person. the people of this household might think Natsume was just desperate for affection, but if it wasn't real, Natsume wouldn't have opened up to Matoba. wouldn't have placed his trust. ]

A friend... [ he hesitates for a moment before carefully turning his palm upwards and gently holding on to the fingers that were stroking his hand ] Thank you, but... if I can be completely selfish, I want to keep thinking of you as my family. [ it's nerve-wracking, saying what he wants. this is the first time, and the flush that was in his cheeks has disappeared ] Sometimes people stop being friends, but you can't ever stop being family. I want something that can't be severed so easily.

[ Natsume stops, his hold on Matoba's fingers a little more tight and lightly shaking ] I'm sorry, I'm asking too much aren't I? [ he looks away from the other's eyes, afraid to see how Matoba will react ]

[ The exorcist's thin fingers close on Natsume's, something in the curl of them cages the boy's hand within his own; a little firmly, a little roughly. But, his expression is gentle - that smile that curves his mouth is as unknowable as ever, and he meets the boy's eyes, leaning forward, as if to tell him a secret. Matoba's feelings towards Natsume are as consumptive and as possessive as any he has ever had for another creature - he wants to cage him, to keep him, to turn him into the prodigal exorcist that he knows he can be. But, equally, he wants to have him in other ways, intimate ways, to show him the most fundamental way of knowing another human being; inside and out, he wants Natsume spread out on the sheets beneath him, arching his back, wants to hear broken moans and whispered confessions - wants the boy to dig his nails into his back, wants to push, and pull and hold him down, tie him up, make him scream until he's hoarse. ]

I want more than that.

[ Oh, his words scrape only the surface.

There's a pause from the exorcist then, and he leans closer, to divulge the second half of his two-part secret. ]

And, Natsume-kun, you could never ask too much. Only, perhaps, if you asked me to let you go.

[ He strokes the boy's hand, and gives him an incongruously pleasant smile, as if he where telling him some anecdote from his morning meeting with the clan exorcists. ]

[ the first thing Natsume reacts to is the last part of Matoba's words. almost by reflex he shakes his head ] I wouldn't ask you that. I wouldn't want that at all. [ after all that was what he was terrified of most. being let go and cast away from this house. Natsume wasn't sure if he would be able to survive, after knowing of a world and people that were like him and had accepted his abilities.

it's a beat after that Matoba's other words sink in. there weren't any anger or disgust over Natsume's wish, which felt like a miracle to him. but as for the very first remark... he blinks a couple of times, before hesitantly looking back at the exorcist, unconsciously leaning in closer ] More...? More than family? [ he's not sure what that means. he had always thought the strongest relationship anyone could have was being a family ]

[ There's a satisfied hum from Matoba, and he pets the boy's hand where it's held in his own, tipping his head to the side and considering his recently acquired apprentice. Such blind loyalty - that's the kind of attachment he could only have dreamt of. What an extraordinary thing to have in a new recruit? But of course, with Natsume, he wants that attachment for slightly skewed reasons. ]

Mm, yes, more.

[ Making no move to add to that, he raises the boy's hand, and presses his mouth to the innermost part of his wrist, just above those pale blue veins. He smirks against the skin there, then: ]

But, we'll discover what works for us in our own time, yes? For now, know that you needn't hide anything from me - you can speak openly, as you wish here.

[ Stroking Natsume's wrist, he places the boy's hand back down, holding it in both of his own. It's probably best to begin these things slowly - the boy is young, he'll learn to recognise what he wants, how he wants things to be. But, for the moment, it's enough to lay the foundation - Matoba is patient, he knows just how to wait so that the results are pleasing. He's willing to allow something to grow between them, rather than forcing it from nowhere. However, he will mould the direction of that growth, so that is suits him.

Another smile is levelled at Natsume, his hand still captive in both of Matoba's, and the exorcist's voice is a deep purr. ]

You should sleep in here.

[ he's a little disappointed that Matoba won't say what the more is, but if the older man didn't think it was necessary now, Natsume was fine with that. he trusted Matoba will teach him when the time came.

besides, right now his mind was more busy with trying to take in Matoba's current actions. Natsume isn't sure how to react, never having being in a similar situation before. it wasn't that he disliked it, but he's not sure what kind of gesture the... kiss? touch? was. the only thing he can do is try and hold back the small shudder that went through his body at the contact and fight down the blush rising in his cheeks.

there's a small inhale of breath as Natsume tries to respond with a level voice, trying to act as normal as possible. but the shaky voice, red cheeks and the confusion in his eyes are easy to see ]

Sleep here? But what about you, Matoba-san? [ pause ] Did you mean... share a futon with you?

Perhaps not yet, you can bring yours. We can talk together then, at night, before bed.

[ Matoba smiles at him, something glinting in his eye when he sees the colour pour into Natsume's cheeks. It's clear to him that the boy has all the reservations of his age - he'd know what the implication of sleeping in the same room was, surely? Although, now that the exorcist considers it, he has no knowledge of how much the teenager has been taught about those sorts of things - and he wonders that how much of the boy's consenting to something physical between them would be due to desire for the clan leader himself, or to ensure the security of his position in his new home. Potentially, he thinks, looking at that blush, it would be a combination of the two, and he pats Natsume's hand, something comforting in the gesture.

There's a wicked lilt beneath his words when he does speak, however; an implication that may go over the boy's head, but exists there nonetheless, subliminal in the way it hints openly at a sexual relationship. ]

I hope that if you were curious about anything, you would come to me with your questions. There's no topic off limits between you and I, Natsume-kun.

[ A beat, and that smile widens. ]

You may find the answers are simpler than you imagined.

[ Which is a lie. Nothing is ever simple with Matoba - least of all this.

But, he lets go of Natsume's hand, and reaches out to press the back of a cool hand to his cheek, his smile not wavering. ]

Why are you blushing?

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matoba + natsume; closed

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